MY COLLECTION OF FORD JOKES


All these jokes are sourced from the internet from various uncopywrighted sites.

LONGER POEMS AND JOKES

* Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven.
At the gate, St Peter tells Henry Ford: "Well, you've been such a good guy, invented the car, changed the world. As a reward you can hang out with anybody in Heaven of your choice."
So Henry Ford thinks about it and says: "I would like to hang out with God himself?"
So St Peter takes him directly to God's thrown and Henry Ford starts by saying: "God, I don't want to sound biased, but you have some major design flaws in Your invention, the Woman.
1. There's too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much
4. The intake is too close to the exhaust."
"MMMMM" says God and goes over to the Celestial Super Computer, types in a few key strokes, and waits for the results.
He then turns to Henry Ford and says; "It may be that My invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer more men are riding My invention then your's".

* A man pulls up next to a girl walking home from school and said: "If you get in, I'll give you a Lollypop."
The girl kept on walking and the man said: "If you get in I'll give you two Lollypops."
The girl kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued walking. The man said: "Get in and I'll give you a whole bag of Lollypops."
Finally, the girl turned and said: "Look Dad, You bought the FORD, You ride in it!!!"

* Sometimes the best jokes are true. On May 12th FORD announced a recall on it's Expeditions and F-Series trucks. Faulty lug nuts could cause the tyres to fall off.
It just keeps getting better!

* A Texan man was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he had, how many women he had been with, and how much land he owned.
A young man growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan; "Just how much land do you own?"
The Texan tipped back he's Cowboy hat and said to the young man: "Well sunny let me put it to you like this, I can get into my pickup at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch, and still not get to the other side of my property by sunset."
The young man shot back quickly: "Oh ye, I know what you mean. I used to own a FORD truck too!"

* I was driving my Ford truck down the road
When I realised it was gonna explode
The Ford motor blew up in my face
So I put a Chevy motor in it's place
I drove that truck until the body pannels rusted away
But that old Chevy motor still runs to this day.

* Here I sit broken hearted
Wishing that my Ford would have started
But it didn't, so that's a rap
So I think I'll shoot that piece of crap.

* Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
If it wasn't for Fords
Our tools would rust.

* Buy a Ford
Buy the best
Drive a mile
Walk the rest.


FORD ONE-LINERS

"Have you out-driven a Ford lately?"

"I could never keep a Ford under me, I was always under the Ford."

"Friends don't let friends drive Fords."

"I'd rather push a BMW then drive a Ford."

"Ford Escort me to a Toyota dealer."

"Speed kills. Drive a Ford and live forever!" "That's not a leak. My Ford's just marking it's territory."

"You might own a FORD if you keep getting sympathy cards from the dept of transport."

Jannie: "My parents just bought me a new Ford Icon."
Koosie: "So what did you do to p.ss them off?"

"Next time somebody tells you that Ford means First On Race Day, remind them that anything would be fast if it required mechanics to work on it all week long just to run one good race time."

Q. What's the difference between a Ford and the principal's office?
? A. It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.

Q. What goes on pages 4-5 of the Ford's user's manual?
A. The train & bus schedule.

Q. What do you call a Ford at the top of a Hill?
A. A Miracle.

Q. What do you call two Fords at the top of a hill?
A. A mirage.

Q. What do you call a Ford with dual exhausts?
A. A wheelbarrow

Q. Why do Ford call their new Focus and Mondeo the ST170 and ST220 respectively?
A. Ford actually now include a 170 km and 220 km warranty on those models.

Q. What is the Ford owner's most ardent wish?
A. To buy a car.

Q. What do you call a Ford with a seat belt?
A. A rucksack.

Q. How do you make a Ford go faster downhill?
A. Turn off the engine.

Q. What is the difference between a Ford and a shopping trolley?
A. A shopping trolley is much easier to push.

Q. What do the new speed limit signs say on our suburban roads?
A. Max speed - 60 km/h - Fords do best you can.

Q. Why do they put sidewalks beside most streets and highways?
A. So FORD owners have a safe place to walk home.

Q. Why does Ford make tractors and Opel not?
A. Because Opel can't get anything to run that slow.

Q. What is the difference between a Ford and a porcupine?
A. Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

Q. Why are the latest Fords so aerodynamically designed?
A. It improves the Chevy towe truck's fuel consumption.

Q. What is the aim of a Ford project car?
A. An attempt to keep their car running.

Q. What is the difference between a Ford and a tampon?
A. A tampon comes with it's own towe rope.

Q. how can they improve a Ford bakkie?
A. Put a Toyota engine in it.

Q. Why do they fit ABS braking systems to the latest Fords?
A. So the driver can stop quicker to pick up the fallen off parts.

Q. How do you double the value of a Ford Icon?
A. Full the tank with petrol.

Q. What did the Toyota say to the Ford?
A. Would you like a towe home?

Q. What should the Ford Mustang really be called?
A. The Ford Rustang.

Q. Why is this country so far in debt?
A. Because the president drives a Ford.

Q. Why do they fit heated tail gates to luxury Ford bakkies?
A. To keep your hands warm when you pushed them.

Q. Why do the new FORD Explorers have larger bumpers?
A. To make it easier on the towe trucks.

Q. Why are FORD dealers giving away a dog with each FORD sold?
A. So the owner has a companion to walk home with.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To push he's FORD F150 back into the dealer's show room.

Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because he's F150 got stuck.


FORD ACCRONYMS

First On Rubbish Dump

Fix Or Repair Daily

Fixed On Race Day

Factory Ordered Road Disasters

Found On Roadside Dead

Flip Over Read Directions

Ford Owners Recommend Daywoo

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

Ford Owner Really Dumb

For Only Retarded Drivers

Freaking Only Runs Downhill

Failure On Research & Development

Found On Road Deserted

Forget Out Running Danie

F.cked On Race Day

Four Old Rusted Doors

Freaking Old Rusted Datsin

"Backwards" - Don't Ride Over Fifty

"Backwards" - Driver Returns On Foot

"Backwards" - Dumb Retards Own Fords

"Backwards" - Dorks Ride On Fords


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